


Warmth

by frozentothetouch



Series: When He Wished Upon a Star [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Major Spoilers, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-15 03:10:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14782539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozentothetouch/pseuds/frozentothetouch
Summary: He was so cold, until the sun came to visit.





	Warmth

**Author's Note:**

> When I started this I had a direction, but right now I'm not sure where this is going, so don't expect quick updates with this series.
> 
> Also, this is sort of right after Saeran's rescued from Mint Eye so he's still in denial over how Rika treated him.

Small streams of light peeked through the cracks of the curtain, the morning sun as bright as ever. Nimble fingers brushed the spots on the blanket where the stripes of light were, watching as it illuminated the skin. Mint eyes stared intensely as the light thinned out and disappeared behind the flowing curtain and with a sigh, he leaned back, head tilting to gaze at the ceiling.

Saeran had been admitted to a mental hospital of some sort after he lashed out during his stay at a normal one. It didn’t bother him, in fact he enjoyed watching the employees get scared or nervous when they attempted to approach him. Recalling the thought put a smile on his face, but it was quickly replaced with a frown as he stared at the bland, boring ceiling.

The room had white walls, with subtle variations of light blue surrounding it. The floors were slippery and cold (that’s one of the reasons why he only got up to use the bathroom), there weren’t minimal decorations of any sort contained in the room (only because he desperately tried to harm himself with anything in his view during his first few days), and the only noise filling the silence was a ticking clock and the low rumble of the air conditioner. All in all, Saeran hated this place, but that didn’t say much because he hated everything. 

His head lowered to inspect his shaking hand placed on his lap. In an attempt to stop it, he curled his fingers inward, clenching them into a fist. His nails dug deep until Saeran felt a pinching sensation and he clenched tighter. After a minute he realized that was as far as the feeling would go and he stretched his hand back out. 

Truth be told, Saeran felt numb. Once leaving Mint Eye, with guilt panging in his chest, his emotions had flooded. He felt everything at once and it  _ hurt. _ It was a strong stream of water pushing against a dam until the pressure was too much and it broke free, destroying everything in its path. Once the peak of the occurrence was finished, it regulated back to what it was before. But with Saeran, the water didn’t reappear, instead it vanished with nothing to replace it. He was desperate to feel something.

The door to his room creaked open, but Saeran ignored it as always, never in the mood to look like he cared. Rather, he let his eyes rest on the curtain, watching as streams of light peeked through only to hide once again behind the cloth. He waited to hear the door close as it had been a few dragged out moments of silence with no sound of it being shut. His fingers tapped impatiently on his other hand, his face twisting with either anxiousness or annoyance. Saeran clicked his tongue and faced the doorway, suddenly having the urge to snap at the nurse that was taking her precious goddamn time.

Instead, his breath caught in his throat. There, leaning against the doorframe, was a familiar redhead, with crooked glasses and somber face. Once regaining himself, Saeran felt his blood boil and he whipped his head back towards the window. His fingers weren’t tapping anymore, but scratching harshly into his skin. The numbness before had dissipated just at the mere sight of his stupid brother, with that stupid fucking expression on his face. He wore that sad smile, like he always did when looking at Saeran. It disgusted him. 

The door closed and there was the soft squeak of sneakers against the tiled floor, until it stopped and Saeran could feel the presence of his twin behind him. His nails withdrew themselves from digging into the skin and began fidgeting at the loss of touch. His eyes strained as they could no longer focus on the mesmerising pattern of lights. 

“Saeran,” Saeyoung started, with a mellow tone.

Saeran bit his tongue, fighting back a harsh response. His fingers latched back onto his arms as he feared that they would lunge at a certain person’s neck. 

His brother didn’t say anything else, instead, he walked slowly over to the windowsill, pulling the curtains aside. The sunlight Saeran so desperately yearned to see was illuminating Saeyoung’s face, until he turned away and let that light shine on Saeran. Mint eyes squinted at the sudden brightness, attempting to adjust to it.

He gave up once he heard a laugh emit from the redhead,

“Don’t stare at it, you’ll go blind.” 

For a moment, he didn’t know how to respond as he was caught off guard. His mouth was parted and his eyes widened in an intrigued gaze. Saeyoung’s sniggering had stopped followed with his smile that had faded. Saeran realized what he was doing and turned away, the heat of the sun filtering through the glass hit his back. His nails started to pierce his skin, but he didn’t care. The embarrassment from being caught in such a vulnerable state masked the pain.

“Hey,” Saeyoung began, “I - I didn’t mean to -”

Saeran felt tears sting at the corners of his eyes and his throat tightened. He didn’t like feeling like this, he liked it better when he was numb. But his emotions had no control switch and Saeran knew the water was rushing back and he couldn’t reinforce the dam quick enough. He knew why Saeyoung took this moment to start acting like a brother; after seeing a soft side of his twin, it gave Saeyoung the confidence to believe he was worth saving. But Saeran agreed with the voices, that his brother was wrong, he was beyond repair, beyond saving. He wanted to scream that at the redhead’s face, watch as he grew terrified and become aware of the fact that Saeran couldn’t be rescued from his own personal hell, that tearing him away from Mint Eye was the worst decision he could’ve made. Yes, Saeran definitely coincided with the voices on that conclusion. 

“It’s not your fault.” 

Saeran’s head shot up at those four words, confused at how his brother could tell what he was thinking.

Saeyoung scratched the back of his neck, “I - I mean, you know, everything that happened back there. That wasn’t you.”

Saeran’s opened his mouth, but the words wouldn’t form and if they did, they’d probably be inaudible,

_ It was me. It was me behind that gun, pulling the trigger. Nothing can change the fact that I did what I did. _

“What you’re feeling is normal. The guilt is normal, but please, Saeran, don’t be afraid to feel like that. Hiding your emotions will only make it worse, trust me, I know,” Saeyoung didn’t look nervous anymore, his confidence was overwhelming.

Saeran gazed at his brother’s figure, the words spoken before now lingering in the air between them. He was indecisive, he didn’t know who to believe anymore. His savior had almost been a replacement for the caring mother he never had, she helped him trust that he wasn’t the weak brother, that he wasn’t just some burden that Saeyoung was glad to get off his shoulders. Saeran finally believed that he was strong and useful and that people knew of his existence.

But that train of thought had crashed into a brick wall when his brother came back. That thread of hope he had discarded years ago had wove itself back together again, but he hesitated in reaching for it. Saeran didn’t think there was a point in doing so, he had chased after the dream of paradise for so long that the thought of chasing after an endless string of trust felt exhausting if in the end, that string would unwind just like the thread.

His head hurt.

Saeyoung had grown impatient, the tips of his fingers thrumming against the flat ledge of the window. After a minute of no response from Saeran and the tension increasing to an uncomfortable one, the redhead spoke again,

“I know you find me unbearable, most people do,” he chuckled at his own self-deprecating joke, “but if you want ever want to become the person your meant to be, you can’t deny what you’re feeling. Don’t hide it and don’t be afraid of it.”

Saeyoung stepped closer, eyes narrowing, “If you hate me, say it. If you’re confused, say it. If you’re furious  _ say it _ .” 

He placed a hand on Saeran’s shoulder, causing the latter to cringe. He smacked the hand off and through gritted teeth announced,

“Fine then, I hate you.” His voice was raspy and drained, the forcefulness that was intended never surfaced.

The redhead let his hand fall to his side as he sighed. His eyes looked glassy, but he managed to form a small smile, 

“I thought you’d say that,” he breathed out a laugh, “but I just want you to know that I love you. You’re my brother and you always will be.”

And with that, Saeyoung exited the room, leaving Saeran in an uneasy silence. The sun cowered behind clouds and the hospital room felt gloomy in the gray light. 

___________________

The day passed like normal, a few nurses stopping in and leaving a plate of food only for it to grow cold as Saeran refused to touch it. He believed eating their disgusting crap would be a sign of him giving in as though he wanted to get better. 

The room tended to get chilly in the afternoon due to the excessive use of the air conditioner and Saeran would pull the thin sheets over his body, although he would immediately recoil in his actions as someone walking in on him snuggled up was an embarrassing thought. Then, he was left to stare blankly at the wall, listening to the clock and occasionally looking over to watch the curtains flutter slowly. He did this, suppressing past emotions and once again feeling numb, until the room was noticeably dimming and the sun was meeting the horizon. 

Saeran observed the honey glow as it illuminated the boring white and wished he could feel the raw warmth on his skin. But he was left with a cool breeze and a faint splash of heat from the rays. It wasn’t enough, but it was all he had. He leaned back, patiently waiting for the evening so it was acceptable for him to sleep. 

The door opened slowly, painfully slowly. Saeran was on edge from the events that occurred in the morning and the thought of his brother coming back sent him into a panic. After an excruciating long period of the door being pushed, it slammed shut making Saeran jump at the sound. 

“Ah! Oh - uh, I didn’t think it would close like that.”

It was a voice Saeran didn’t recognize, high-pitched, but not feminine. He kept himself trained on the curtains, facing away from the visitor. But the sun was meeting his eyes again and he was forced to look away. 

“Uhm, I hope this isn’t a bad time,” the person said after a long period of silence. 

Saeran chewed on the inside of his cheek, the stillness of the room becoming insufferable. Then there was only soft breathing, fingers brushing against the blanket, ticking, curtain rustling, and a grumble from Saeran’s stomach.

He bit his tongue remembering the forgotten meal left on his bedside and how the person would _ definitely  _ notice it. 

There was a quiet giggle,  _ here it comes,  _ “Hospital food sure does suck.” 

Saeran’s eyes widened for a moment, then returned to a relaxed state. He wasn’t expecting that. 

“Uh - I was hospitalized for a few days when I was younger and I remember hating the food. I just picked at it until one of my sisters came and gave me some unhealthy food, like chips or - uhm. S - sorry, I’m making this whole situation worse, aren’t I?” 

It was silent again until the person cleared their throat, “Alright, I should’ve just done this in the beginning,”

The sun’s colors were dipping slowly into the horizon, yellows and oranges shining brightly against the purples and pinks that followed it down. The window of the hospital room was taken over by this transfer of day to night, letting the sunlight hit every corner of the room. 

“I’m Yoosung Kim, Sev - Saeyoung’s friend! It’s nice to meet you!” The introduction was genuine, but maybe a little too cheerful. Saeran just concluded that was his personality.

With a sigh, mint eyes carried themselves from the white covers to an outstretched hand, the fingertips brushing against his nose. He tilted his head up to see a smile, brighter than any sun.

Yoosung’s hair was the color of his savior’s, grin just like hers as well. So inviting, so tempting to just give into. Saeran realized that his whole facade resembled his savior’s and he felt as if this time he really would be saved. But he knew that he shouldn’t think like that, the enticing hand in front of him wouldn’t always be there. He had learned that the hard way, being abandoned twice now. 

The sunlight pouring into the room draped Yoosung head to toe, his smile stretching even wider, his hand still extended outwards. Saeran let himself bask in the warmth of his light, bringing his hand to slide into the palm of Yoosung’s, their thumbs interlocking.

The sun gave out its last ray, the hospital room now surrounded by dark blue hues. 

Somehow, without the sun, Saeran still felt warm.


End file.
